My idea to post a blog after I ran obviously failed me given my inability to actually run. My New Year’s Resolution: Be a lazy sack of shit.
Accomplished.
Yesterday I had full intentions of running after work. Until eight hours of work turned into eleven. I also found 20 bucks on the ground walking back from the bank. My options: Run or use the 20 bucks to buy frozen pizza, watch Portlandia reruns and pass out at 7:30. You can guess that I went with the pizza.
Today I ran. I’d slap a condom on my hand ask for a high-five but let’s first lay the background to today’s run before we get all crazy.
I woke up. I thought about running and instead thought about doing some Facebook stalking. No, I don’t have a Facebook but that won’t stop me from stalking you. New Year’s Resolution: Be a creep.
Accomplished.
I realized the only food I had was a 3-day-past-edible banana. I ate it. Shaky from caffeine withdrawal, I reluctantly eyed my french press. The thought of making and then cleaning said french press was too much at handle. Options: Starbucks, the other Starbucks, or the other 27 Starbucks. But I needed food. This banana was doing nothing but making me feel a little nauseous. Options: Whole Foods. I stuffed 20 bucks in my bra, threw on my dusty running sneakers and pounded out two-miles to Whole Foods.
About .25 miles in I realized the absolute only reason I was running was for a pastry/coffee combo. I had no intentions of running this morning when I woke up. Zero. But the thought of a vegan scone had me out sprinting 2-miles. I realized this must be bottom and picked up the pace. Take advantage where you can!
I purchased an oatmeal date scone, walked two feet to Starbucks and bought an iced venti americano. Then walked two-miles home. With an iced drink. In January. New Year’s Resolution: Be a dumbass.
Accomplished.
Sadly, the majority of my thoughts on the way back to my apartment were I should run for food everyday. Genius! How have I thought though about this before? Sadly, most days I need to ride my bike 2.2 miles to work. Which sounds like nothing. But riding your bike 2.2 miles at 4 a.m. in January is something. Trust me. And then riding your bike 2.2 miles back (uphill no less) after working 11 hours on 3 hours of sleep is defnately something more. Something more that requires frozen vegan pizza that you pay with the money you found on the street.
This is definitely bottom.
I find when I run with someone else, we end up cancelling out said run with a massive breakfast/lunch/drinking binge. Then it’s a matter of dealing with the guilt of all the time/effort/money wasted when I could have just sat at home on the couch instead. And not have a food/drink hangover. sigh.